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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?